Experience the premium feeling of paying for a next-gen 5G connection, while we deliver speeds straight out of 2016. Say goodbye to your savings and hello to endless buffering.
Explore the DisappointmentLess Speed Than Promised
Left in Your Bank Balance
Live TV Buffering Rate
We perfectly engineered our bundles to give you maximum frustration at a premium price.
Whatever plan you choose, our backend system automatically throttles your bandwidth. We proudly ensure that you will receive exactly 70% less speed than the plan you are actively paying for.
Our billing department works 24/7 to create plans that look affordable but are packed with hidden fees, installation charges, and useless add-ons, ensuring a consistently low bank balance.
Missing a crucial cricket wicket or the climax of your movie is our specialty. Our set-top box is designed to freeze exactly when you want to watch Live TV the most.
Marketing is a beautiful thing. We slapped a shiny "5G" sticker on our routers, but inside, we are giving you standard, congested 4G network performance.
Why upgrade our infrastructure when we can just upgrade our advertising? You pay for the fiber, but you experience the air.
In our quest to monopolize your living room, we have declared absolute war on certain content providers. We actively downgrade your experience if you attempt to access our rivals.
(Good luck trying to stream their networks on our supposedly "smart" box without it crashing.)